To the Guys...

I have started and not published so many blogs in the last month. A lot has been going on, but far too much to write about, especially now. But this is something that has been on my mind as of late, and I had a great heart-to-heart with one of the people I respect most, one of my best friends, the other night, and he made me think about some stuff. So here goes...

I love having guy best friends. Love it. I love my boys with all my heart. I love them all for different reasons, whether it be because he makes me laugh, he listens, he gives me the best hugs, he protects me when necessary, he shares my viewpoints...whatever. They are all very special to me, but sometimes being friends with guys is hard. I feel underappreciated sometimes. I feel like I try so hard to make others happy and they don't appreciate it at all. I feel disrespected when things are said around me, even if they aren't directed towards me. I know that at times I'm "just one of the guys" and that's fine, but it is nice to be complimented or treated as a female once in a while. I have thought of some things that guys do that annoy me or I would love to see them do. This isn't just personal, some of them are for all women, and not all of them are directed towards my guy friends. Like I said, they are pretty good guys, even if sometimes they get on my last nerve. So to the guys out there, here's what I, and probably other women, would love.

• Don't ask me if my female friends are "doable." I don't want to think about you "doing" my girl friends and I don't know what you consider "doable" anyway.

• Don't discuss how you would like to "screw" my friends around me, either. Or how you want to "screw" anyone, for that matter. I really don't want to listen to you discuss sex all day.

• Stop asking me "how many beers?" it would take before you were drunk enough to sleep with someone. I DON'T CARE. And I would love to have some respect for you and think you wouldn't sleep with someone you cared nothing about just because you were drunk.
• Please stop talking about how "hot" models and celebrities are and pointing out all the things about them that make them prettier/sexier/better than me. Even if you don't specifically say "she is skinny, you aren't" I know that I'm not, and it still makes me feel like crap. I don't appreciate feeling fat, short, and ugly all the time.
• Thank me once in a while for something. But I don't want you to do it out of obligation. I want to know that you truly appreciate me. And if you don't appreciate me, then please stop hanging out with me, because true friends appreciate each other.
• If my hair looks nice or I have gone out of my way to look good, it wouldn't kill you to compliment me. A simple "your hair looks nice" or "you look cute" or ANYTHING would make me happy. It shows that you notice and that you care at least a little bit about me.
• Stop it with the "women belong in the kitchen" crap. I admittedly do love to cook and bake, and I have told you that I will be happy to cook/bake for you, but not if you insult me while I do it.
• In fact, cut back on the women jokes, period. I'll laugh at them if they are actually funny, but it's overkill to hear it all the time.
• Don't stare at my chest and cleavage when you speak to me. Look me in the eye. Now, I understand that when cleavage is bared, it will be glanced at. Notice how I said GLANCED. I don't really care that much about that, or I would wear turtlenecks. But when you can't tear your eyes away to speak to me or listen to me, I just think you are disgusting.
• Just because you are a male and I am a female does not mean that you know more than me about sports. I love sports and pride myself on knowing quite a bit, and what I don't know I am trying to learn. So stop being so chauvinistic about it.
• Along the same lines, do not insult my loyalty to my sports teams. I have been a Pittsburgh Steelers, Chicago Bears, Pittsburgh Penguins, St. Louis Cardinals, Penn State Nittany Lions, University of Illinois Fighting Illini, and Chicago Bulls fan all my life. Ask my parents, I've rooted for them, born and raised. I do not choose whatever team is doing well that season and I do not choose teams based on "how pretty their colors are" to root for. I respect you for supporting your team through good and bad, even if I don't like your team. Have the decency to do the same for me.
• Hug me once in a while. I love getting hugs from my best friends, and hugs from guys are comforting and make me feel protected. It also shows that you care at least a little bit about me.
• If I seem upset, come talk to me. Ask me if I'm okay. I'll probably say nothing is wrong and I'm fine, but I secretly hope that you will call me out on it and come give me a hug so I can cry on your shoulder. Sometimes all I need is a good cry.
• Just because a female is in a bad mood does NOT mean she is on her period! Stop blaming our emotions on PMS and a menstrual cycle. Other things cause bad moods, you know. We don't blame your bad moods on erections, and if we are on our period and that's why we are in a bad mood, it's not like it's our fault. Most of the time we don't want to be in a bad mood, get upset over small stuff, or be really emotional, but there isn't much we can do to stop it.
• Stop touching yourself. If you itch that bad that you need to scratch it that much, I suggest seeing a doctor, because that's unnatural. I understand that sometimes you need to adjust yourself, and that's okay. But constantly seeing your hand on your crotch just makes me think you are a pervert.
• Also, just for the record, we see when your hand is in your pocket and you are trying to sneakily scratch yourself. You aren't that good at hiding it.
• Please refrain from calling us derogatory names all the time. It really does hurt our feelings.
• There are already too many nicknames for breasts. Please stop coming up with more. They aren't funny, we don't appreciate them, and you could just call them by their actual name.
• If we ask for your opinion on something, take it seriously. It means we care what you think and we want you to be happy. If we ask you if you like our outfit, don't be bland. "It's okay" or "you look fine" is not acceptable. What do you like about it? If you don't like it, tell us, but don't be mean. We ask for your opinion because we trust you and we want to know if we look stupid or not before we go out in public.
• If we give you pet names, it means we like you. If we sweet talk or baby talk to you, it also means we like you. Maybe not like, as in "let's be boyfriend and girlfriend" like, but we do care about you a lot, even as a friend.
• We secretly like using the pouty-puppy-dog face once in a while. It makes us feel cutesy and we think it's adorable that you can't resist it.
• Let us cuddle with you. If we are cold and snuggle up next to you, it means we are comfortable with you and you make us feel protected.
• That being said, it is sweet of you to offer us your jacket or something, but don't be offended if we decline. Sometimes we just don't want it.
• If another male in some way offends or insults us, we love it when you stick up for us or assure us that it's not true, that you think we are better than that.
• We are women, and we love it when you care about us and our protection, but we also want to be independent. Don't be overbearing. If we tell you seriously we want to be left alone, leave us alone. If we want you to come back, we will call you. Don't scare other guys away by hovering over us. There is a difference between being protective and annoying. Sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
• Put the toilet seat down after you pee. It's gross and it really sucks when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and end up with your butt in the toilet bowl. That's sick. So please, PLEASE try and put the seat down?
• Along with that, if you suck at aiming or you splash, please clean it up. It's disgusting when there is dried urine on the toilet.
• Farting is nothing to be proud of. Yes, it is a bodily function, but please do it in private. Go to the bathroom, your bedroom, outside...anywhere away from other people and relieve yourself. It's nasty to make other people smell it and to subject them to that, no matter what gender they are.
• Don't tell us that shaving your face sucks. We have to shave our legs all the time. We get it. It's really not that fair that you get away with a "five o'clock shadow" but you think it's gross when we don't shave our legs for a couple days, so just leave us alone.
• Shut up about how long it takes us in the shower or to get ready. We are girls; we use more products, we (usually) have longer hair to clean, dry, style, etc., shaving our legs takes a while, and we usually have more clothes and options to worry about than you. And if we do take a while to get ready, hopefully we look good, so worry about that instead of how you have been done for "sooo long." We really don't care that you got ready faster, it's pretty normal.
• Also, to follow that up, if you want to go somewhere, give us ample time to get ready. You know we take a while, so plan for it.
• Don't use us to impress your friends. It's so annoying when guys are nice to us when we are alone but jerks in front of their friends so they seem more "manly" or something. You don't have to insult us or objectify us just because your so-called-friends do. Be a real man and stand up for what's right, don't just conform.
• Most of all, just be our friend. We want to love you and hang out with you, spend time with you, and whatnot, so just respect us. We can laugh at jokes, we can have a good time, but it doesn't always have to be at our expense. Listen to us, talk to us, and just be normal.

That's the extent of my thinking for tonight. Time for bed, big weekend ahead of me. I'll try to update sooner, rather than later, this time. Hopefully soonish? We'll see, I guess.

Sleepily,
T