Who Do I Want To Be?

As I was sitting here on my bed, procrastinating as usual, something occurred to me. I was thinking about the fact that even my procrastinating friends are more productive than me, and I hate this about myself. I really need to get myself in gear after this year and turn my academics around. And I have no problem doing work, so why do I have such a hard time actually doing stuff for school? I was thinking about one of my friends and how she gets a ton of work done, but still goes out and does a lot of other stuff. Then it hit me: she actually enjoys the work she's doing. I hate my major and my minor, but I feel like I'm stuck in them because I'm really close to being done with them. But that's the difference! These people are happy with their majors, they are doing something that they want to do in the future, so they don't have as hard of a time doing the work.

Now I guess I have to make a decision. Do I stay where I am and stick to my current plan about grad school? Do I stay an extra year or so and double major in something I actually want to do? Do I just switch majors altogether?

The third option would be the most pointless. I'm already almost done with my current major, so I might as well try to finish it out. The first option isn't getting me anywhere, and has been my plan for about a year. So, logically, I think my best option is number two. And I don't have a problem with that. But I don't know how I'm going to pay for those extra years of school. I can't afford it now as it is, let alone extra time. But I really think that's what I need to do. I just don't know how to tell my parents that either. I've been putting on this facade to them for a while, pretending I like my major and whatnot. But if anyone can understand, it will be my dad. He was a RELIGION major in college (yeah, for real) and is now a regional safety manager for a transportation company. So I think he will get it. Especially if I pull some tears and the daddy's-little-girl face. Gets him every time haha.

So anyway, I guess that's what's been on my mind today. I'm nervous and scared, but I think I really need a change. We'll see, I guess. I mean, this is the rest of my life I'm talking about, so I think making the right decision is important, right?

In thought,
T