Intimidation factor.

It's been a couple days since I've written a real blog, partly because I had so many thoughts going on inside my head and I didn't know how to express some of them or didn't want them to pop up in this thing and partly because I have been super busy. There are just some things that just need to stay in my head right now, ya know? Plus I added another meeting per week in accepting the ROAR Vice President of Communications position, mixed with regular ROAR meetings, RallyCat meetings, RallyCat exec meetings, and Committee Chair meetings plus classes and homework. It's been crazy.

Today a friend told me that I can be intimidating. I guess I could kind of see that in a way, but then again I don't know. I mean I'm not the kind of girl who can walk up to a guy and be like "hey, you're cute and I like you, ok?" I never have been, I probably never will be. I'm scared as hell of rejection. In some ways I'm even more scared of commitment. I'm so afraid that I will never be enough, that I will never measure up. I feel like my flaws are always so exposed and I feel like I'm never good enough. I don't know, maybe it comes from years of being single, maybe it comes from the one time I came close to having a great relationship and what happened then. I don't really know. All I know is that apparently I'm intimidating. This is like the third guy friend who has told me this. Maybe I should take a hint? But I'm not going to change who I am...so whatever. I don't know. I guess maybe when I lose my temper I'm scary, but in all honesty I don't lose it very often. Whatever. I have been thinking about intimidation lately myself. I got to thinking the other day about my friends. All my best friends are guys. I have a lot of guy friends in general. And as much as they tease me and give me crap I know they love me and I know that at least a few of them are protective over me. I would not want to be the guy who pisses off the redhead with the temper, her older brother, and her best friends who happen to be men. So, I guess I can see it. In some ways.

The rest of what I need to say can't be said here. It's much too personal and I just really don't need the internet to see my thoughts, so I'm going to quit while I'm still sane and get some sleep.

Lost in the clouds,
T

::EDIT::
I'm posting these lyrics because...well..they are amazing and I have been listening to this song nonstop the past few days. Read them. Download the song. It's worth it.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance.... I hope you dance..........

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin',
Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
If you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance.... I hope you dance.
I hope you dance.... I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance.... I hope you dance.
I hope you dance.... I hope you dance.
I hope you dance.... I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)