It's Life

You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

-Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers

After recent discussions with friends and different events occurring in my own life these lyrics really jumped out at me today and got me thinking. As a girl, I love to be protected, to have a guy in my life who looks out for me, to have that special bond with someone so that when you are standing with them or sitting with them you know they are with you and you have the comfort of their presence. But I'm also very independent. I don't like to be mothered or patronized or overprotected. I can take care of myself and I don't have to depend on anyone because I know who I am and I am capable of getting what I need and where I need to go. That being said, just because I am capable of something doesn't necessarily mean I want to go it alone. There needs to be a balance.

While I appreciate being protected from situations and I understand that you care for me and don't want to see me hurt, you also need to understand that you can't protect me from the world, and you don't need to. Some of the best things in life come from mistakes and without mistakes we have nothing to learn from. It's a necessary part of life.

So yes, I get that you don't want to get me mixed up in your personal issues. I love that you care enough about me to try to keep me out of situations that are tough enough for you to be involved in, let alone me as well. But at some point you have to let me in. While you might be saving me from some sort of harm, you're making it hard for me because I don't want to see you hurt either. I don't know how to help you if you won't be open with me. And I hate to see you hurt just as much as you don't want to see me hurt. Just because you want me to be sheltered from something doesn't mean you have to take the full brunt of a situation yourself. Two is stronger than one, and you can still protect me while letting me help you. Balance. It's the only way to make things work.

On another note, the other thing the lyrics got me thinking about is time. Yes, we have plenty of time in our lives. I'm a slow mover, I like to let things take their course and if they are meant to be, I trust that they will happen. But at some point you have to make a decision. Either you want something or you don't. You either want to be with me or you don't. And yeah, maybe it will hurt you or maybe it will hurt me, but drawing it out longer isn't going to help anyone. Trust me, I've been there. It just hurts more to drag things on. We all hurt, we all inflict pain. It's something everyone has to deal with. So if you have something to say, just say it. Be honest. Sure, I've had my heart broken. But so have millions of billions of other people. We grieve, we get angry, we sulk, and then we suck it up, mend ourselves, and we move on. It's a part of life.

This was sort of random, but I guess that's just how my mind works. Bedtime now.

T