"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
Breathe by Anna Nalick
So after my nice, warm, long shower tonight, I fully intended to go straight to bed. Of course, the internet tempted me and here I am, an hour later, still on my computer. But some things sparked some thoughts in my head as I sat here.
I'm so blessed with the friends that I have. They are wonderful, beautiful, and amazing people. And I take them for granted. The song I posted above reminds me of what my best friend would tell me..ok, what she DOES tell me..when I call her. Breathe, it will be okay. You're allowed to whine, you're allowed to say things suck, but at some point you need to suck it up and you can overcome this. After the past year, I don't know where I would be without my best friends. They have held me together, literally and figuratively, when I was coming apart at my mental, physical, and emotional seams. That being said, I can be so blind. Blind, and selfish. It's not something I do consciously, but I realize it later and I feel like an idiot. How could I have missed so much? I feel like a terrible friend. And it sucks. I hate seeing my friends down, especially if I'm part of the reason. There's so much I need to fix. But I'm going to try. For now, I guess I just apologize to everyone for how much I've screwed up. I'm so sorry. :(
I'm working on finding the way to figure some stuff in my life out right now that will be the easiest. The easiest, not for me, but for the people around me. So many other people and things are affected by the decisions I make, and I'm tired of messing up. So I'm really thinking hard and praying about my next moves. I feel like I'm playing chess, and I'm risking it all to try and go for the checkmate. Unfortunately, I've always sucked at chess. I always lost the pawns because the horses and towers were my favorites. (Yeah, knights and rooks, whatever. I like horses and towers better.) This time, I'm gonna get the checkmate. And I'm gonna have my pawns and my horses and my towers. Maybe it's impossible, but that's a wizard's chess! (10 points if you get that reference. Yeah, I have ADD.)
Spring Break 2010. It's going to rock faces. I will make this happen if it's the last thing I do. I need this. She needs this. We're all in this together. (10 more points if you get that reference. 20 if you will shoot me for making it.) But seriously, I'm beyond excited. SB10, Destin, Florida, here we come!
It's time to make some changes. I can do this. I have a support system. I have the desire and the tools to do it. It's not just for me, it's for all the people who have loved me unconditionally through my selfish behavior, my mood swings, my obliviousness, my mistakes, my tears, my anger, my life. They deserve this. I love you guys.
Ready for changing and starving for truth (10 more points),
T
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