It's Who I Am

Yeah, yeah, I know I've written these blogs about my friends before. But tonight I talked to all four of my best friends, plus a good friend from high school, and it just brought some things to mind.

First of all, as I've mentioned before, I love that age doesn't matter. My best girl friend is a freshman, but she is one of the most mature people I have ever met. She doesn't let me be whiny and she makes me see things from a different perspective. She makes me laugh and she makes me cry (in a good way) and I'm seriously so blessed to have found her. One of my best guy friends is a 6th year. He is an amazingly perfect combination of an older brother, a best friend, and role model. He protects me and teases me like an older brother, has fun and hangs out with me as a best friend, and gives me advice and generally just sets a good example as a role model. Like I told both of these people tonight, I can't exactly pinpoint when they crossed that line of being a good friend to being considered a best friend, but I am so glad they did.

Second, I was hanging out with my other two best friends tonight, and I was sitting in their room and all of a sudden it just hit me how much I love them. They are so random, weird, and hilarious, they always have me laughing. One of them was one of my first friends here in college, and we have both changed a lot, but we have only grown closer. I love the looks we share across a room, when we make eye contact and know what the each other is thinking. The other one is always willing to listen to me and even though he can come off as being less than caring sometimes, deep down I know he is a sweetheart, and one day when he finds the perfect girl for him, I hope she sees it too. I really can't express what a huge impact they have had on my life.

Third, I was talking with a friend from high school tonight, and it was totally worth putting off my paper for another hour. I really miss her, and a few other select friends from high school. It's so sad to me that we are all so absorbed in our lives apart that we essentially forgot the connections we had with each other. I haven't spoken to my high school best friend in months, and it truly makes me sad. I miss her a lot, but the sad thing is, I don't know what to say to her. We are so behind in each other's lives that I doubt she knows who I have a crush on anymore, she doesn't know about the guys I've hung out with, she doesn't know about my friends I have met this year, and I really just don't know what I would say. And that sucks more than not talking to her, the whole wanting to but not knowing what to say. Argh.

My friends are my legs when I can't stand on my own and my arms when I need to find a way out. They are the ones who catch me when I fall, who grab my hand when I'm blinded by other things and lead me to safety. My friends are an arm around the shoulders when I need support, a shoulder to cry on when I'm upset, a hand to hold when the world gets too scary, a body to hug when I just need to know that someone is there. They mean the world to me, and I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

The culmination of all of this is that I have realized how blessed I am. I'm so lucky to be able to live the life that I do, that I can practice my religion, have my own political beliefs, and I can pursue my dream to be a sportswriter. I'm lucky that I had parents who encouraged me to be who I am and to follow my dreams, who told me I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I'm lucky to have a support system around me that lets me bend but not break, that strengthens me when I am weak. My goals have changed, but I think I've finally settled on what I want to do with my life.

I want to graduate with a Bachelor's in Journalism, a minor in English. I want to get my Master's in education. I want to teach high school English and journalism classes, perhaps oversee the school paper, and coach the women's soccer team. Then, I want to be a sports writer. My dream is to write for Sports Illustrated, but we will see. I want to write at least one novel, in not more. I want to start a women's sports magazine. Then, when I'm older and hopefully people know my name, I want to start my own sports bar, where men and women both feel welcome, the food tastes homemade and the TV's always show a variety of sports.

Maybe I'll accomplish my goals, maybe I won't. But at least I have a direction now. I know who I want to be, I know what I want to do, and I have the resources to do anything I put my mind to. My friends will be there to support me, and I'm excited to go on this journey with them. It's been great so far, I can only hope it gets better.

Thinking positively,
T