I say a prayer with every heartbeat...

How Will I Know
by Whitney Houston

There's a boy I know
He's the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes
Takes me to the clouds above
Ooh, I lose control
Can't seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming
Tell me is it really love

How will I know
(Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know
(Love can be deceiving)
How will I know

[chorus]
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heartbeat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you, what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong, why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking
Wish I had you near me now
Said, there's no mistaking
What I feel is really love

How will I know
(Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know
(Love can be deceiving)
How will I know

[chorus]
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heartbeat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you, what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong, why do I feel weak

If he loves me, if he loves me not [3x]
Oh, how will I know

[chorus]
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heartbeat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak


That about sums it up.

Singing it away,
T

Whoa.

So, talking to my best girl friend tonight, I started thinking about something that had never really crossed my mind. My other two best friends are guys and I love them to death. I'm protective over them right now as it is. Seriously, I hate this chick who lives next door to me because she chased them down the hall at the very beginning of the year to introduce herself to them and I didn't like it. I don't like when slutty girls or girls I don't approve of hit on them. In fact, I hate it. They are my boys and I don't want to see some skanky girl use them. But what am I going to do when one of them starts dating a girl? What if she breaks his heart? I will not be happy...at all. I couldn't bear to see one of them heartbroken. It would break my heart. Then I would have to hurt whoever hurt them. And not to mention that the whole time he was dating this girl I would probably secretly hate her because I would just be waiting for her to screw up. And even worse, what if one of them starts dating a girl I can't stand?! That would just be awful. Oh man. I'm really upset now. I can't bear to lose the two of them. They are my best friends. They are the ones who make me smile when I'm sad, who calm me down when I'm angry, who talk me through the hard times. I couldn't stand if if I lost our friendship because of some chick. And I definitely couldn't take seeing one of them hurt.

On the flip side, I wonder if they ever think about these things in regards to me? I strongly suspect that they don't. In fact, there's a part of me that thinks that our friendship means more to me than it does to them. I have this little voice inside my head telling me that if something happened and our friendship ended, they would just get over it and move on. But they mean too much to me for me to be able to do that. I really wonder what they would do if a guy broke my heart. Probably nothing. Dang. I wish I knew what they felt. I wish I knew what things meant to them. Ugh.

It's really hard caring for someone more than they care for you. It hurts my heart. And I'm talking on a larger scale now. I'm pretty sure the guy I like has no feelings for me beyond friendship, and that just makes me hurt. But I would rather see him happy, I guess, and if he's not happy with me then I can't hold him back.

Wow. This entry got really depressing. I'm going to bed before I work myself into a crying fit.

Thoughtfully and protectively,
T

I don't miss you, I miss the idea of you

So, I was just reading a friend's blog and commenting on hers, and it kind of got me thinking and inspired to write this one.

Alright, here's the story in a nutshell:
I was kind of dating a guy at the end of my senior year of high school, but we were never officially in a relationship. There were a lot of factors as to why we never started dating. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship before, so we were both kind of scared and nervous. I was too caught up in stupid high school gossip and the fact that everyone was talking about us and I cared too much what other people thought about us, and I let that get in the way of my feelings. The other problem I had was that he was going to college on the East coast, and I was going to be here in the Midwest. I didn't want to start a relationship with someone who was going to be so far away. I mean, I wouldn't have even seen him on weekends. Plus, we were going to college, we would be meeting tons of new people, and I didn't think it would be a good situation for either of us to have the other someplace else. Towards the end of the summer, a couple of his friends (guys, of course) told him that I was "using him" and that I never had any intention of dating him, so he should just cut things off with me. I found this absurd because it was impossible for me to have been using him as we never went on actual dates where he paid and we never even kissed! So then he completely stopped talking to me, which was just immature.

He came up here for his fall break of our freshman year of college because a lot of our friends go to school here or around here, so we all just met up. At about 4am, we walked together to his car, just the two of us. We held hands and then I pulled him around to face me and told him that I couldn't do it..either we couldn't see each other or talk to each other ever, or he had to stop giving me the cold shoulder, because it was stupid. He said ok, and we moved on.
Over Christmas break, a bunch of us went sledding. My high school best friend and his best friend went, and it was kind of awkward between us at first, but then we started throwing snowballs and sledding and stuff, and loosened up. We were flirty and just had a lot of fun. We went back to my best friends house, and we all curled up on the couches together with hot chocolate, and we ended up cuddling up together. A week or so later, the four of us were hanging out and watching movies and we laid on the couch together. The last day I was home before going back to school, just the two of us went out to dinner. I grew up and stopped caring what people were saying or thinking, and it was a lot of fun.

Over the next several weeks, we talked a lot. Text, AIM, Facebook, and calls. Then I got really busy with midterm week and preparing for a trip, so about a week went by without us talking. I got back from my trip to Washington D.C. and logged on to Facebook, only to see that he is now in a relationship.

Wait, WHAT?!

I was crushed. To make matters worse, he imed me that night and acted like nothing was wrong. I told him about my trip, blah blah. Then he was like "oh, and I'm dating this really great girl right now, I'm pretty happy." Seriously?

Even to this day, I get a little jealous in my Facebook stalking when I see comments from other girls on his wall or pictures of him and other girls. But I realized today that it's not HIM I miss, it's the idea of him.

I loved having someone that was always there for me, who always cared about me. I loved cuddling on the couch, or sprawling across his lap while he played video games. I loved that he tickled me just enough that it wasn't torture but I laughed. I loved not having to go places alone and I loved having someone to text when I was having a bad day. I miss all of that. But I don't miss him, really. I mean, I miss our friendship, but it obviously wasn't meant to be. I just want all those feelings back.

In some ways, I feel those things about [an]other guy[s] now. I get that buzzy nervous feeling when I come in contact with him. I get butterflies when our hands even touch, let alone when they are clasped together. When I smell that certain scent that I associate with him, his smell, I can't help but take a deep whiff and smile a little. I sit across the room and can't help but look at his attractive physical features. Getting texts or calls from him usually brightens my day a little. But I want it to be something more. I want to be able to look at a guy and know that we share a special bond, that we have something more than just friends. But I want to keep that buzzy feeling and those butterflies in my stomach. I want that smell to remind me of someone I love and I want to openly check him out from across the room because he's mine and I can. So even though I have had the opportunity to get some of those things back, those guys didn't give me the buzzy feeling. My fingers didn't tingle as they brushed those guys' arms, I didn't have the urge to just curl up under a blanket on the couch and cuddle with them. I knew in my heart that they weren't right, and it's not fair to use a guy just to have that security.

I just want those feelings back, I want to be happy, and I want to finally find a guy that was worth the wait and the heartbreaks. I want to be loved and love in return.

I just don't know who he is or where to find him, if he's already in my life and he's right in front of my face and I just haven't seen it or if I have yet to meet him.

We'll see, I guess. You never know what the future will bring.

Looking,
T

Leadership

So, I've really needed to write for a while, but I don't really know where to start.

"Attitude reflects leadership."
-Remember the Titans

Something I have been thinking a lot about recently is leadership. I really want to take on a leadership role in an organization that I'm in, but I want to make sure that I'm right for the job. I have been really frustrated lately with some of the leaders in the groups that I am in, and after hearing the negative feedback and seeing the negative reactions to them, I want to make sure I don't end up in the same position. I know that over the last couple of years I have grown as a person, but over the last few months I really feel like I've grown as a leader. As a committee chair, I'm very proud of having the largest committee in my organization. Sure, it makes me a little egotistical that people join my committee and stay in my committee instead of going to the others. I love my committee, they are always willing to help me out and I try to respect them and show them gratitude when they do help.

The way I see it, leadership is about balance. It's not a dictatorship, it's a democracy. There has to be a balance between the leader saying "this is how it's going to be" and giving the general members what they want. Being a leader means being able to compromise and having the ability to look past what's best for their self and instead what is best for the group as a whole. Strong leaders know how to be present and invisible, all at the same time. They are there to keep people organized and to make sure things run smoothly, to ensure that the members of the organization are keeping it going. It's not their job to run the group singlehandedly, but to motivate the members to do their part. They shouldn't always be hovering, barking orders, or demanding things be done their way. Good leaders don't demand respect, they earn it. They realize and acknowledge their downfalls and mistakes, but they also recognize their strengths. They learn from constructive criticism and they adjust accordingly. They have to lead by example and learn how to set aside differences. Leaders can't expect their followers to do something if they don't and they have to get past personal agendas and biases to focus on the good of the group as a whole. Not to say that they aren't entitled to their personal opinions, but there is a time and a place for those issues to be taken care of, and it's not in front of a group. Being able to see when things aren't working and trying to change them is important too. Recognizing that people are unhappy or that something isn't working out is a quality that a good leader must have. A good leader must also be able to be in command and have a vision of the past, the present, and the future. While we shouldn't dwell on the past and past mistakes and failures, it is important not to just dismiss them either. People need to learn from their mistakes and see what went wrong the first time, what can be improved upon, and what can be done differently. The past is an important part of the present and the future if it is evaluated correctly and is an important learning device. Obviously, a leader being able to recognize what is happening in the present is vital to the survival of any organization. A leader should be able to see what is and isn't working and immediately make adjustments. Finally, a good leader must also be able to look ahead to the future. If something is going to harm the organization in the long run, it is obviously not a good idea. Leadership is all about balancing, adjusting, learning.

I really want to be a good leader. I think that in some ways, I am. I also think that I have a lot of things to work on to be the kind of leader that I want to be. I want people to be able to look up to me and to at least say that I gave it my all, even if things don't work out. I'm really nervous, but also really excited about the opportunities I think I am going to have in a couple of months. I hope that even if I don't accomplish my goal and get the position I want, that I can learn from it and earn another position.

Another aspect of leadership I have been thinking about is the leadership that I am currently under. I feel like some of the leaders I deal with on an almost daily basis lack certain aspects of being a good leader. As I mentioned above, personal agendas and vendettas need to be checked at the door. Things that are discussed in private forums, arguments that occur between fellow leaders, anything like that, needs to be checked at the door. There is an air of negativity that surrounds meetings and events, and while people might try to pretend it doesn't exist, it's there. Executive members might not see what's happening but members sense the uncomfortable air and the lack of devotion of the leaders. It's present and instead of addressing it, people just turn their heads to it and try to act like it doesn't exist. There is a severe lack of respect for leadership for various different reasons, many of which are fairly personal and way to detailed to get into now, but the problems aren't being addressed. Leadership is taking the angle that if people don't like it, they can move on. The problem is, people are moving on, and it's working negatively towards the goals and ideals of the organization. Good leaders would recognize this and take the measures necessary to correct it, but the dedication just isn't there for some people. It's gone on way too long, and while people are starting to acknowledge the changes now, it's too late to change what has happened. Hopefully things will get better, but only time will tell.

Hoping things are looking up,
T

Well, crap.

I just wrote and deleted an entire blog. It was pretty pointless and stupid, and I could not get across the point that I was trying to make so it just got very long and wordy and useless. Argh.

I wish I could get some of the thoughts in my head wrangled up and put them down here, but right now they are coming out all jumbled and mixed up. Hopefully I'll be able to sort it all through tomorrow.

For now I guess I'll just leave you with this...


I'd Lie by Taylor Swift

I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the Seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him..
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long?

He sees everything in black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the Seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him..
I'd lie

He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you, but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up and pray for a miracle

Yes I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Oh, and he kills me
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him..
If you ask me if I love him..
I'd lie

So true.

Sorting it out,
T

It's Who I Am

Yeah, yeah, I know I've written these blogs about my friends before. But tonight I talked to all four of my best friends, plus a good friend from high school, and it just brought some things to mind.

First of all, as I've mentioned before, I love that age doesn't matter. My best girl friend is a freshman, but she is one of the most mature people I have ever met. She doesn't let me be whiny and she makes me see things from a different perspective. She makes me laugh and she makes me cry (in a good way) and I'm seriously so blessed to have found her. One of my best guy friends is a 6th year. He is an amazingly perfect combination of an older brother, a best friend, and role model. He protects me and teases me like an older brother, has fun and hangs out with me as a best friend, and gives me advice and generally just sets a good example as a role model. Like I told both of these people tonight, I can't exactly pinpoint when they crossed that line of being a good friend to being considered a best friend, but I am so glad they did.

Second, I was hanging out with my other two best friends tonight, and I was sitting in their room and all of a sudden it just hit me how much I love them. They are so random, weird, and hilarious, they always have me laughing. One of them was one of my first friends here in college, and we have both changed a lot, but we have only grown closer. I love the looks we share across a room, when we make eye contact and know what the each other is thinking. The other one is always willing to listen to me and even though he can come off as being less than caring sometimes, deep down I know he is a sweetheart, and one day when he finds the perfect girl for him, I hope she sees it too. I really can't express what a huge impact they have had on my life.

Third, I was talking with a friend from high school tonight, and it was totally worth putting off my paper for another hour. I really miss her, and a few other select friends from high school. It's so sad to me that we are all so absorbed in our lives apart that we essentially forgot the connections we had with each other. I haven't spoken to my high school best friend in months, and it truly makes me sad. I miss her a lot, but the sad thing is, I don't know what to say to her. We are so behind in each other's lives that I doubt she knows who I have a crush on anymore, she doesn't know about the guys I've hung out with, she doesn't know about my friends I have met this year, and I really just don't know what I would say. And that sucks more than not talking to her, the whole wanting to but not knowing what to say. Argh.

My friends are my legs when I can't stand on my own and my arms when I need to find a way out. They are the ones who catch me when I fall, who grab my hand when I'm blinded by other things and lead me to safety. My friends are an arm around the shoulders when I need support, a shoulder to cry on when I'm upset, a hand to hold when the world gets too scary, a body to hug when I just need to know that someone is there. They mean the world to me, and I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

The culmination of all of this is that I have realized how blessed I am. I'm so lucky to be able to live the life that I do, that I can practice my religion, have my own political beliefs, and I can pursue my dream to be a sportswriter. I'm lucky that I had parents who encouraged me to be who I am and to follow my dreams, who told me I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I'm lucky to have a support system around me that lets me bend but not break, that strengthens me when I am weak. My goals have changed, but I think I've finally settled on what I want to do with my life.

I want to graduate with a Bachelor's in Journalism, a minor in English. I want to get my Master's in education. I want to teach high school English and journalism classes, perhaps oversee the school paper, and coach the women's soccer team. Then, I want to be a sports writer. My dream is to write for Sports Illustrated, but we will see. I want to write at least one novel, in not more. I want to start a women's sports magazine. Then, when I'm older and hopefully people know my name, I want to start my own sports bar, where men and women both feel welcome, the food tastes homemade and the TV's always show a variety of sports.

Maybe I'll accomplish my goals, maybe I won't. But at least I have a direction now. I know who I want to be, I know what I want to do, and I have the resources to do anything I put my mind to. My friends will be there to support me, and I'm excited to go on this journey with them. It's been great so far, I can only hope it gets better.

Thinking positively,
T

Spontaneity

I'm really sick of being rational. I'm tired of playing it safe and be the cautious one. I don't want to be the one who sits on the sidelines babysitting my friends in case they get too rowdy anymore. I want to throw my inhibitions to the wind and let loose, free myself and just let go. I want to stop thinking about the consequences and I want to have the courage to go after the things I want. I want to stop thinking of the negatives and think about the positives. I want to open my mouth and say the things that need to be said but I've been too scared to. I want to stand up for myself and my friends better than I have. I want the courage to be able to walk up to a guy and tell him exactly how I feel and not fear rejection. I want to find the guy I've been waiting for, because it hurts too much to sit here and dream about it anymore. I want to pursue my dreams, accomplish my goals, and live my life to the best of my ability. I'm not who I want to be. I let some people walk all over me, over and over again like a throw rug. I don't stand up for myself or my friends because it's just easier to let it drop. I don't defend myself because I would rather just get yelled at than start some stupid conflict. I'm really getting tired of all of this.

I want to be spontaneous. I want to walk up to a guy and tell him exactly how I feel, lay all my cards out on the table. I want to be able to give up my heart again, to push back that fear and stop caring what other people say and think. I want to overcome my fear of commitment and rejection. I want to find a guy who will prove to me that the risk is worth it. I want to stop finding ways to stop myself from doing, saying, and getting what I want. I want to feel better about myself as a person and physically. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.

I don't want to have regrets.

I'm really having some difficulty figuring myself out lately. I'm scrambling to find ways to make everyone happy and it's becoming a sacrifice of my own happiness. I'm miserable right now in a lot of ways, and even though I'm well aware that I have SO much to be thankful for, I just can't get myself out of this rut. I've been a mess all week, and I just can't take it anymore. Something has to change. Something will change.

Finding myself,
T

I know I've written about my best friends before and how amazing I think they are, but tonight just kind of reaffirmed it for me.
Two of my best friends are the craziest, weirdest, and most hysterical people I have ever met. They can ALWAYS make me smile, no matter what. They say some of the stupidest things, but I love them to death for it. If I'm having a crappy day they somehow find a way to make me laugh. I was talking to one of them last night when we were supposed to be studying and we started talking about all the factors that led us to be friends. One is a transfer student who spontaneously decided to go to UC. I probably wouldn't have met him had I not already been friends with the other one, whom I probably wouldn't have gotten so close to except he happened to walk out of his door the same time I did the first day on campus. It's so crazy how these things work. I'm so thankful to have them both in my life, and I don't know if they will ever know just how much they mean to me. If I tried to tell them, they would get all weird. They don't really do sentimental, although they have been getting better.
One of my best friends is a 24 year old senior. One of my best friends is an 18 year old freshman. This is what I love about college. Age doesn't matter. The 24 year old is like an older brother figure, but also more like a best friend. It's hard to describe our relationship. He is a great guy, and I can only hope to one day find a guy a lot like him to date. In all honesty, he is one of the all around greatest guys I've ever met. The 18 year old is a perfect friend for me. She lets me be upset, she lets me vent, and if I'm upset about something legit she has my back. If I'm just being whiny, she lets me get it out then knocks me back to reality. I've only known her for a few months, but she quickly became one of my best friends. I'm so thankful I met her, and so thankful for her friendship. I can only hope that our friendship continues to get stronger. (I know you are reading this, so thanks. I love you, babe!)
I have some other best friends, but these are the ones who needed the shout outs tonight. They are the ones who have done stuff for me recently and have helped me. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Lovingly,
T

Dear Head and Heart, Please get on the same page. Love, T

I'm all kinds of messed up right now. My head is spinning and my mind is all over the place. I can't organize my thoughts and I can't think straight. I am really having a hard time understanding a lot of things right now, and I need to sort through some stuff.

First of all, I have been single for basically forever. I've been involved in relationships that could have almost been considered dating type relationships, but I've never officially crossed that line to call someone my "boyfriend" or to be called someone's "girlfriend." Yeah, it really bothers me sometimes, and I'm extremely afraid of commitment. But sometimes I'm proud. I'm waiting for someone who will treat me right, who is everything I want in a man, and who I can see myself with in the future. There have been some guys that I have "hung out with" or whatever, but I just can't see myself with them. I mean, they are great guys and in some cases I can't even find any real faults with them, but if my heart's not in it, it's not fair to me and it's really not fair to the guy. And they don't deserve to be treated like that. Like I said, they are great guys. But the other thing that gets me is that I don't get what guys see in me. Granted, I've really only had like 3 guys express interest in me, but I don't know what they see. I don't think I'm physically attractive, I'm not skinny, I'm short with thick legs, I hate my freckles, I'm not all that intelligent, I have a terrible temper and I generally speak only in sarcasm. In all honesty, I don't get it. And I'm scared. What if I'm a terrible kisser? I mean I wouldn't know since I haven't kissed all that many guys. It's weird to think about, but it's true. I don't know, maybe I'm just strange. Whatever.

Second, I really don't know how to read some people. There are some people that I can read like a book, I know their emotions and I can tell when they are happy or sad, even if they aren't making it obvious. But there are some people that I don't know what is going on inside their heads. I don't know how they feel about things and I don't know what they want, and it bothers me. I don't have the courage to say something to someone unless I know they somewhat reciprocate. To put it straight, I'll just state that yes, I am talking about a guy. And the more time that goes by, the more I really think that I see something more in him than just friends. It's not just physical attraction, but also personality. Don't get me wrong, this guy meets my moral standards and also my physical preferences which is an added plus. But I have no clue what he is thinking and people can tell me to just say something to him all they want, but it's not going to happen. I put my heart out there once and all I got was hurt. I can't put myself through that again, especially not with someone that I feel strongly about. And the other thing is that I can't lose this person as a friend. I would rather have him as a friend and learn to deal with my feelings than to freak him out and lose him.

Oddly, I feel the exact opposite about other people. There are some people that I just can't bear to hang out with, because I feel so bad that I don't feel the same way about them. I want so badly for people to be able to understand where I'm coming from without me trying to explain it poorly. I guess it's that I didn't realize how strong my feelings for the guy mentioned above were until after I had already started hanging out with another guy. And then I was all messed up because there was absolutely no logical reason for me to stop seeing the second guy. I don't even know if the other guy sees me as anything other than as a friend! I want people to understand that I entered into this thing very open to wherever the relationship would lead and I thought I had some type of feelings for that person, but then the other feelings hit me, and stronger. And I don't know what to do, because any way that all of this goes, someone is going to get hurt and I don't want that to happen, not to me but especially not to either of these guys. They are both great and they don't deserve to be hurt, especially not by someone as messed up as I am.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I know that we can't really help who we love, but I wish I could. I wish I could see the nice guy that I know has feelings for me as something more than a friend, but I just can't. And I can't deny my heart, even if it hurts like hell at some points. What seems right in my head seems so wrong in my heart, and what seems so right in my heart seems impossible in my head. I'm so lost, and more than ever I just need to be true to myself because I can't afford to lose who I am. I'll keep pushing through, and hopefully in the end everything will work itself out.

The other thing that is really bothering me right now is other people's thought processes, or lack thereof. I cannot understand what is going through some people's minds that they could possibly think that the things they are saying and doing are even remotely OK. I'm beyond frustrated with people, and I'm hurt that they don't see what they are doing wrong, do not see how what they are doing is killing me. I'm really starting to realize who my true friends are, and I'm so blessed to have them. KA, BA, AV, RP, BM, GW, RR, NS, BR, KP...you guys mean the world to me. I'm not putting your names, but if you read this and you see your initials then I'm probably talking about you. I know that no matter what, I have some loyal friends who will stick with me and back me up. And I hope they all know that I will do the same for them. I'm praying I figure these things out, that in time God will show me where I'm going and what to do. I know that when the time is right, He will show me what's up, but it's so hard to wait, and I'm not patient with anything. Argh.

Pensively in thought,
T

This is how I feel...

Baby you're a wrecking ball
Crashing into me
Nothing I can do but fall
Piece by piece
You broke down every part of me
That ever thought I would never need you, baby

It's twisted
Messed up
And the more I think about it
It's crazy, but so what
I might never understand it
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on
I'm gonna love you, even if it's wrong

Everybody's telling me
I'm over my head
But they don't feel you lovin me
They all say
I've gone crazy
Maybe, but its too late to save me
I'm too tangled

It's twisted
Messed up
And the more I think about it
It's crazy but so what
I may never understand it
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on
I'm gonna love you even if its wrong

Even if its twisted, yeah

Maybe its not right
But that's alright
Yeah, its alright tonight

It's twisted
Messed up
And the more I think about it
It's crazy but so what
I may never understand it

It's twisted
Messed up
And the more I think about it
It's crazy but so what
I may never understand it
I'm caught up and I'm hanging on
I'm gonna love you even if its wrong

Even if its twisted
Even if its just a little bit
Just a little bit
Just a little twisted yeah
It's twisted
Yeah

Twisted - Carrie Underwood