Who Are You Here For?

I just got back from a 2 week mini-vacation and it was awesome. I went home to Findlay for 2 days for a very good family friend's baby shower and it was great to be home for the first time since December. From there I drove to Chicago where I stayed with one of my best friends for 4 days and also got to stay with my cousin, her husband and her baby girl. That was absolutely amazing and exactly what I needed. From Chicago, I drove to Cincinnati, did laundry, repacked, and left 3 hours later for Destin with one of my other best friends! After a week in Destin and a stop in Birmingham on the way home, I finally got back to Cincinnati to stay yesterday. It was a whirlwind but I miss it all.

I'm very close to my parents and it's always been kind of hard for me to be away from them. I get really homesick but it's also really hard for me to leave Cincinnati. I finally found myself at UC and started having a hard time leaving to go home. So I get really torn..do I want to be here or there more? I feel like I miss out so much when I leave Cincinnati, but I also feel so much more relaxed at home. It was nice to be in Findlay and not really miss much. I got to enjoy myself and not worry too much.

Chicago was amazing. I loved it and I miss it so much. I felt so at home there. I fell in love with the city and the outskirts of the city where my cousin and best friend live. I liked taking the train and the buses, and walking all around the city. It was wonderful. It really got me thinking about the future..grad school, graduation, the real world..I think I'm ready for it. I'm still scared to death and I still kind of don't want to graduate because all my friends will still be here, but I think I can do it at least. And it was so, so good seeing my friend again. I miss him. I miss having him here to keep me in check and make me understand things.

Destin was also good. What's better than a spring break road trip to Florida with your best friend? Not much. Even though we didn't have the greatest weather, we made our own fun. We had a good time, were spontaneous, made some new friends, and hardly stopped laughing. I told her I'd never seen her laugh and smile so much, and I'm glad I could help her do that. She looked so happy and that made me happy. I still laugh thinking about all our inside jokes, comments, looks, and everything else. It was one of the best weeks of my life, hands down.

Now, when I got back to Cincinnati this time, something felt weird. For some reason, it didn't feel like home. I got a little freaked out by this, since for the last two and a half years, it has. I talked to my parents and my Chicago best friend and they all had a lot of good stuff to say, but what really stuck out to me is what my friend said. I told him that I just wasn't sure if this is where I'm supposed to be. I didn't feel right and something felt off. He texted me back and said "maybe you aren't there for you anymore" which kind of confused me. He explained that maybe I'm here to be a part of someone else's life. Maybe I'm not the one who needs to grow, but maybe someone needs me in their life, kind of like I needed him in my life. Had he graduated on time or only done a 4 year major, I never would have gotten so close to him, or maybe even known him. It's crazy to think about. And he had a point. Who knows why I'm still here? But I am, and I have one year left. So let's hope I can make it good, ha. Alright, I have a migraine and it's a quarter after three in the morning, so I'm done for tonight.

Later,
T