No, But Thanks

Today it hit me how much money I have spent on doctors and medicines in the past year. I've seen an orthopedic doctor for my knee, hip and back several times. I've spent hundreds on co-pays and prescriptions and none of it worked. I got two types of the flu in the fall and had two doctor visits plus prescriptions to pay for. In the spring I saw a doctor for the intense pain in my chest and my migraines. I spent more money on prescriptions, and found out nothing. This is getting ridiculous. If I'm spending this much money on this crap, I should be finding answers.

I talked to my dad about my frustration and he gave me the worst advice ever: give up soccer. Never. I will NEVER give up soccer. I won't give it up because in this massively insane world, soccer is the one thing I'm good at. I know soccer. Soccer makes sense to me. I'm a good player and the soccer field is the one place in the world where I feel completely comfortable. I can just be me because I know it so well. I belong there. There really isn't anything else in this world that makes me feel like that. If I couldn't play soccer, I would have no release. I would have nothing to be good at. I need it. Thanks for the horrible advice, Dad. That just made me more upset.

I wish my body didn't hate me. I'm 21, not 50. It sucks that I've already had to give up a lot because my stupid body can't handle it. And honestly, I'm not going to give up the things that I love and the stuff that makes me who I am just because my stupid limbs and joints don't work right. I'll live. Who needs ligaments and cartilage anyway? Ha.

Life is crazy right now. I have a lot going on and a lot of stuff that's frustrating me that I'm not going to put in a public blog because it's really not the entire world's business. That's all I have for now. Probably more soon.

T